sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
