apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
