she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
