North Korea, Best Korea!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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