i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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