I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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