But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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