based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
