I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
