Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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