Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
