My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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