Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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