Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
