Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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