Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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