she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I want to fling myself into the sun
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
