My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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