i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
