as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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