guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
