I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
a search helicopter?!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
