Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
