Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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