We're facebook friends in real life
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
