No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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