Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
