Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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