Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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