I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Boobs are out for the taking
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
