the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
