3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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