They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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