New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
