Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
third nipple confirmed
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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