my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
