Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
