ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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