How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize