I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
