Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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