and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She told me I should be a condom model.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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