You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
