this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
