and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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