just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize