you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
