If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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