i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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