thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
