Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
