I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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