Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
