Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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