You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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