So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
