you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
