and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize