I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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