forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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