After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
drinking out of a sandbucket again
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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