I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize