If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
