I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
