my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
