I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
